Toys, Mess, Clutter, Joy

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My son Matthew, who will be 5 this December, is currently enrolled in a nearby preschool.  He attends 2 days a week at a fun church/school where they reinforce all the things he has been learning over the years, where he continues to learn about Christ and makes new and fun friends.  (Our decision to send him did not come easy since our plan is to homeschool, but I will write about why we chose preschool this year a little later.) But when I drop him off on these days, the house is much MUCH quieter despite this little 13 month old I tote around.  :)  She is sweet and loving but not that noisy yet. You would think that I might enjoy the quieter environment, but the truth is, I miss him.  I miss the rambunctious personality he has, the excitement of every detail in his day, the sound effects made during a toy car race or trains derailing.  He is fun and I have become accustomed to his “noise”, so has my daughter who giggles at him all day and thinks he is the best person she has ever met.   

Yes, there are days when I just wish that the nonstop talking would halt momentarily, or if I could just hear myself think for a second… But when he is away from home, I miss all of it.  I look at the playroom that I am usually frustrated with because the chaos and mess of it all, and I am suddenly grateful that my children are still young and still enjoy toys and pretend.  I realize that one day, I will look around, and there won’t be any toys on the floor, no little boy playing pirates in his pirate hat, sword, and super hero undies.  I realize that the mess that I find so frustrating some days, will one day, be terribly missed.  How precious are these years, days, that I have right here, right now.  How I so need to remember this when I lose my patience and feel out of breath at the thought of how much needs to be picked up and cleaned.  I am learning to enjoy these days, and trying so hard not to miss any moments that I could be fully engaged and absorbing the joy of it all.  I know playing cars and trains and pirates doesn’t always feel joyful or even productive, but I believe those are the moments that are actually quite productive in the lives of our children, especially, since they are the moments that they will remember, the memories that we have created. 

Today, I am thankful for the joy that these precious babes bring, and grateful that God has given me the wisdom to see it.  God bless you and yours.

Why I Do What I Do

There are days in the year month week that I can find myself wondering why I devote soooo much energy, time, and effort into trying to be the best person, mother, and wife for my family that I can be.  Am I always good at all of the above...absolutely not!  But I TRY!!!  That is the key word.  I really do try and sometimes I can become discouraged and think, perhaps, I try TOO hard and really don't need to.  That is when the "comparing-myself-to-other-moms" sets in.  The thoughts begin and minute by minute I am sitting in a pool of self pity and thinking about all the things I COULD be doing at this stage in my life.  The hour grows dark and I am no longer pleasant to be around.  I become resentful and doubt all that it is I believe about who God wants me to be. 
AND THEN, I remind myself to count my blessings.  How did I end up with this attitude today?  One by one, I list off the things I do want for my children, husband, family life, and I realize that the day my husband and I brought home our precious baby boy, life would never be the same again.  We made a choice...a choice to have children.  God heard our prayer and blessed us.  And now, I am given the gift of teaching, loving, caring for, and molding these precious lives God has placed in our care for a short while.  It is my own conviction/belief/decision that I am the one who should raise and care for these gifts I have been given.  It has been strongly laid upon my heart that these babies need me, their mother, to cuddle and hug, teach, build up, and prepare them for a world that only God knows they will be a part of. 

That is why I do what I do.  And at the end of my pity party, I find myself grateful that I get to enjoy every smile, wipe away every tear, and listen intently to the imaginations and thoughts of these little ones each day.  It is not an easy job.  And it is not a job that I will probably ever feel completely qualified for, but I know that I have a God who is greater than every doubt or fear I may have.  If I search for him wholeheartedly, I will find Him, and if I ask Him for guidance, He will provide.  I am flawed and far from perfect, but He is ready and able.  And I trust Him.  And with God, all things are possible, in Him, I can do all things.  And because of Him, I am blessed.  And so today, while I am wiping noses, changing diapers, and playing cars on the living room floor, I know exactly why I do what I do and I am able to find deep joy and fulfillment in what it is I have been called to do. 

Counting My Blessings

So my theme for these past couple of months has been...Joy.  I am earnestly trying to make the choice every day, minute by minute, to be joyful.  Can I tell you, it is harder than it seems to always choose joy but it is so worth it!  I have a great husband, precious children, and I am blessed to be able to be home with them and watch them grow, but as you very well know, we are never HAPPY!  That is, unless we choose to be.  There is always a reason to complain, always an excuse to feel sorry for myself.  I can think of things, even just now, that I can complain about...for instance, the current state my kitchen is in!  (many dishes that need to be washed, and a stove that has been in use quite a bit lately)  I can always think of reasons to be sad, lonely, discontent, etc... BUT WHY?  I am not going to do that to myself or my family.  My family deserves a momma who is joyful and loving...and why shouldn't I be?  No matter how things may seem, they can always get worse.  When we have the right perspective, suddenly life is not too bad, actually, it is quite good.  I serve a God who has promised me an eternity with Him.  My life on earth will one day end, and that will only be the beginning of my eternity with Him.  So, no matter how gloomy a day may seem, there is hope and reason to rejoice. 
And today I am rejoicing for...
God's unending mercy
happy and healthy kids
a sweet and loving husband
a home with air conditioning in the summer and heat in the winter
a dishwasher
a washer and dryer
a car
phones and computers
FOOD!

nice neighbors

a great church

and the list could go on and on...

We are BLESSED!

So, enjoy today and the next time you find yourself tempted to complain, think of all the things that you could actually be grateful for.  I bet THAT list would be much longer! 

1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

These Sweet Moments

Alegra is nearing 9 months.  I cannot believe how quickly the time has gone by and now I am here thinking about where and how we might celebrate her first birthday.  Amazing!  But after experiencing this rapid rate of growth and maturity watching my oldest grow up to a young boy, I am much more appreciative of the whiny and needy days.  I am more patient when she is teething and fussy, or not napping well or just wants to be held.  I stare at her more than I did with Matthew when I am rocking her.  I enjoy watching her discover a new toy and explore the tastes of everything that I allow her to play with.  Time just breezes by and will not pause for a second when we think it should.  Troubled times, sickness, "busyness"; none of it matters much to time...it just keeps streaming by.  And so I try to really savor each moment that God gives me with my children. 

Enjoying each moment with my children is something I sometimes have to work at.  There are days when I would rather complain that I am tired and don't feel like being "mommy" today.  But those moments quickly pass when I remember that one day I will look back and realize that these are some of the best years I will experience with my kids.  They still want to cuddle and kiss, they are learning rapidly day by day and I get to teach them and spend the time with them and thoroughly be available to discover new things.  This time is a gift and I should take advantage of these moments.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a break as much as the next person, but after refuelling (which usually includes a prayer time) I am typically ready to continue our adventures. 

Psalm 127:3 says "Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him". 

How easy it is to forget this when we are tired and perhaps dealing with a fussy child all day.  It is so easy to become frustrated and "fussy" ourselves.  That is when I usually ask myself, "what good will come of me being fussy?  Will that change my child's attitude for the better?"  No!  It will only make his or her attitude worse.  I find that recharging, praying, and thanking God for these children will change my attitude, help me to get a little more creative, and ultimately manage to find a way to get through to my fussy babe.  And then, a smile, a giggle, and we are at peace once more. 

Enjoy today, we will never get today back again  :)

Peace and Joy,
Jenna