July 05, 2011

Why I Do What I Do

There are days in the year month week that I can find myself wondering why I devote soooo much energy, time, and effort into trying to be the best person, mother, and wife for my family that I can be.  Am I always good at all of the above...absolutely not!  But I TRY!!!  That is the key word.  I really do try and sometimes I can become discouraged and think, perhaps, I try TOO hard and really don't need to.  That is when the "comparing-myself-to-other-moms" sets in.  The thoughts begin and minute by minute I am sitting in a pool of self pity and thinking about all the things I COULD be doing at this stage in my life.  The hour grows dark and I am no longer pleasant to be around.  I become resentful and doubt all that it is I believe about who God wants me to be. 
AND THEN, I remind myself to count my blessings.  How did I end up with this attitude today?  One by one, I list off the things I do want for my children, husband, family life, and I realize that the day my husband and I brought home our precious baby boy, life would never be the same again.  We made a choice...a choice to have children.  God heard our prayer and blessed us.  And now, I am given the gift of teaching, loving, caring for, and molding these precious lives God has placed in our care for a short while.  It is my own conviction/belief/decision that I am the one who should raise and care for these gifts I have been given.  It has been strongly laid upon my heart that these babies need me, their mother, to cuddle and hug, teach, build up, and prepare them for a world that only God knows they will be a part of. 
That is why I do what I do.  And at the end of my pity party, I find myself grateful that I get to enjoy every smile, wipe away every tear, and listen intently to the imaginations and thoughts of these little ones each day.  It is not an easy job.  And it is not a job that I will probably ever feel completely qualified for, but I know that I have a God who is greater than every doubt or fear I may have.  If I search for him wholeheartedly, I will find Him, and if I ask Him for guidance, He will provide.  I am flawed and far from perfect, but He is ready and able.  And I trust Him.  And with God, all things are possible, in Him, I can do all things.  And because of Him, I am blessed.  And so today, while I am wiping noses, changing diapers, and playing cars on the living room floor, I know exactly why I do what I do and I am able to find deep joy and fulfillment in what it is I have been called to do. 

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