July 21, 2010

Darn, I Failed Today

I have had better days.  Today just did not start out right.  It is now 1:10 pm and my hair is still wet from a late shower and my makeup is not on, I have 2 loads of laundry on my bed, one in the washer, and one in the dryer. This pregnancy and these contractions have REALLY slowed me down.  It is hard to manuever and I am uncomfortable most of the time.  Do you see what I mean?  I am having one of those days...a pity party.  I know that my 3 year old son, who happens to be very bright, has caught on to my mood and I'm sure my snippy attitude has not gone unnoticed.  He started to cry late this morning.  It broke my heart because I knew exactly why.  He could not understand who this woman in his house was.  I proceeded to ask him what was wrong, and he just cried out..."I...love...you".  It brought me to tears as well.  I hugged him and told him how sorry I was for being impatient and short and thanked him for loving me.  It was eye-opening for me and quite shameful. 
This is not who God has called me to be and I knew I had failed.  My attitude just stunk and it all started because I thought that my husband's business travels were going to keep him away for one extra day than I expected.  "How would I manage to get anything done at this pace, and what about poor Matthew (my son) who is probably tired of his mother not being able to bend, stand for too long, play on the floor, etc...?"  I just wanted to be weak and get angry at God and my husband for having me in a predicament that I thought was too much to bare.  I repented.  I am sorry Lord for having a pity party and not being strong.  Things could be so much worse.  Truly, things could be so much worse! 
I have been studying Proverbs 31 for a few years now and continually pray that God would help me to be more like the Proverbs31 woman.  She is energetic and strong, a hard worker.  She is gentle and kind.  She probably would have been more supportive of her husband when he announced that he would be away on business longer than he thought.  She would have understood that, he too, must be tired.  There have been times when I feel as if I have truly made progress and then, there are days like today.  I was faced with a choice to choose joy and remain strong, but out of anger and frustration, I chose to throw away all the knowledge I had gained about being a mother and wife and failed and now feel terrible for allowing my son to see my impatience and frustration.  I am so thankful that God is a forgiving God and gives us so many chances.  He is still working on my heart, and most certainly, always will be. 
My son's tears melted away the bitterness that set up camp around my heart this morning.  Thank you Lord, for such a treasure.  Thank you Lord for your grace.  Mothers are so blessed to have these loving little angels to remind us how much God loves us and how much we should strive to be the mothers that He has called us to be. 
Please stop by "A wise woman builds her home" today and read June's latest post on Female Piety.
Click  here.  She always has some great wisdom to share! 
Have a GREAT rest of the day!

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